conflict · two sides · offline + online
Same Boat.folder
Two sides, one shared cost. Write only what you'll both lose — the overlap becomes the problem you face together, not each other.
// cards & two lists · 20 min · print & run · tool pack · no projector, no account
A conflict reframe, built as a complete workshop folder: a timed run sheet, printable write and shared cards, and a mechanic where each side names only what they will both lose — turning "against them" into "beside them, facing the same problem" while a "still different" card keeps real disagreement visible.
The props are poker-spec print cards (63.5 × 88.9 mm, bleed and cut guides included) — a large shared "same boat" card, per-side write cards, a "still different" card and blanks. Nothing needs a projector, and nothing needs an account to download.
the run sheet
// this is the guide file, word for word — read it here, run from it here. the .md at the bottom of the page is the same text, offline.
Folder: `same-boat` · Category: conflict · 6–16 people · 20 min · offline + online · print props · tool pack License: CC BY 4.0
Two groups at odds each get five minutes to write down what they will both lose if the dispute keeps running — not what the other side is doing wrong, what you share as the cost. They read each other's lists and the overlapping items go on one "same boat" card. The move from "against them" to "beside them, facing the same problem" is the whole technique.
Objectives
By the end of the activity, participants will have:
- Named, in concrete terms, what both sides lose if the dispute keeps running.
- Put those shared losses — not the other side's faults — on one card sitting between them.
- Committed to one shared loss they will act on together this week.
When to use this activity
- Two teams, functions or sub-groups have settled into blame and the argument loops the same three grievances.
- The conflict is real but the framing is positional — everyone can name the other side's faults and nothing of the shared cost.
- You have twenty minutes and can seat the two sides apart but in one room (or two breakout rooms that reconvene).
Why "both lose" flips it
Blame points backward at each other; a shared loss points forward at a problem neither side wants. Naming something you will both be worse off for forces the two groups to look at the same object instead of at each other — the smallest concrete reframe from adversarial to joint.
Setup
Space: seat the two sides apart but in one room (or two breakout rooms that reconvene to compare). A wall or board between them will hold the shared card.
Materials per side: one write card and a pen — each side lists what you both lose if this keeps going.
Materials for the room: one large "same boat" card and one "still different" card from `same-boat-prop-cards.pdf`.
Grouping: the two actual sides of a live dispute, 6–16 people total. Too hot to share a room? Run the writing in separate rooms and reconvene only to compare.
Roles: each side writes together, then reads its list aloud; you hold the "both lose only" rule and the clock.
How to run it
| Time | Phase | What you do |
|---|---|---|
| 0–2 | Frame | State the rule: describe only what BOTH sides will lose, no "they do X". Write it down. |
| 2–7 | A writes | Side A, apart, lists what you both lose if this keeps going — money, time, trust, a launch, a relationship. |
| 2–7 | B writes | Side B does the same at the same time, apart from A. |
| 7–14 | Compare | Each side reads its list aloud. Anything that appears on both goes on the shared "same boat" card. |
| 14–18 | Reframe | Around the shared items only: what would change if you treated that as the problem, not each other? |
| 18–20 | Bridge | Each side names one shared loss they will act on this week, together. |
The card
Write the overlapping items on `same-boat-prop-cards.pdf`'s large "same boat" card and leave it up between the two groups. By the end it should hold three or more losses neither side can pin on the other. Use the "still different" card to hold the real disagreements you are not pretending away.
Failure modes
- A side writes "what they're doing wrong." Interrupt gently; the rule is only shared losses. Re-read it before writing.
- No genuine overlap appears. If nothing matches, the disagreement is being described too abstractly — force concrete costs (a date, a sum, a name).
- A win feels implied. This is not "we agreed" — it is one object both can see. Keep it at "same boat, different oars."
Variations
- Two rooms: run the writing in separate breakouts, then reconvene only to compare and build the card.
- Remote: each side writes in a private doc; share the two lists on one screen to find the overlap.
- Shortened (12 min): one round of writing plus the compare and a verbal bridge — skip the written reframe.
- De-escalation on a live thread: paste the two lists into the argument itself; the overlapping items often reset the tone on their own.
Facilitation notes
- The strongest moment is when a side hears its own hidden worry read aloud by the other side.
- Name one shared cost concretely to seed the first list if the room freezes.
Put it on the wall
Print `same-boat-activity-poster.pdf` (A3) to put the run of show, the "both lose" rule and the reframe prompt on one wall while you facilitate.
Props in this folder
- `same-boat-prop-cards.pdf` — poker-spec print sheet (63.5 × 88.9 mm, bleed and cut guides): a large "same boat" shared-loss card, a per-side write card, a "still different" card, blanks, branded backs
- `same-boat-run-sheet.pdf` — the print edition: this run sheet + the debrief, bound as one A4 document with bookmarks (`-Letter.pdf` is US Letter)
- `same-boat-activity-poster.pdf` — the whole reframe on one A3 wall sheet
- `same-boat-guide.md` · `-debrief.md` · `-start-here.md` — the facilitator guide, the debrief, the one-page start here
- `same-boat-license.md` — what you may do with all of this
- `SKILL.md` · `same-boat.zip` — the machine-readable manifest, and the whole folder in one download
Agent version
Every file in this folder has a stable public URL — an AI agent can fetch the cards, the debrief and this run sheet with three curl commands (see `SKILL.md`). The paper version needs nothing but two write cards, one shared card and a pen each.
the debrief sheet
// the debrief questions, in full — the .md version prints on one page for the room.
You did not resolve the conflict. You put one thing in front of both sides that neither can blame on the other — and that is where resolution starts. Use with `same-boat-guide.md`. The bridge line at minute 18 is the compressed version; this sheet is the full one.
How to run this debrief
- Keep the shared "same boat" card visible between the two sides while you talk — it is the object you are debriefing around, not a recap of the argument.
- Count the overlaps out loud. Three or more is a working boat; fewer means the costs were named too abstractly.
- End on one concrete shared loss each side will act on this week, with a name and a date against it.
Read the shared card
- What actually overlaps. Items on both lists are the joint problem, in both sides' own words. Count them; three or more is a working boat.
- What surprised each side. The worry one group held silently that the other just said out loud — name it; that is the turn.
- What did not overlap. Real disagreements survive here. Keep them on a separate "still different" list so nobody pretends they are gone.
The four debrief questions
- Which shared loss did both sides put down almost in the same words — and why does that one matter?
- Where in the last month did the two of you describe the problem as each other, instead of as something in front of you?
- What is the one concrete object (a date, a sum, a launch) both of you would rather not lose, that you can name out loud?
- What changes if you take the shared cost first and argue about the "still different" list after?
Failure modes of the debrief
| Failure mode | Why it happens | The rescue |
|---|---|---|
| It reads as forced agreement | A shared cost looks like capitulation | Reframe: same boat, different oars — naming a joint loss is not agreeing on everything. |
| It snaps back to blame | Old habits return mid-discussion | Put the physical card between the sides and read the shared items aloud again. |
| Real issues get papered over | The shared list absorbs everything | Keep the "still different" list visible; do not erase genuine disagreement. |
Who is Same Boat for?
Facilitators and mediators working with two teams, functions or sub-groups stuck in blame, where the argument loops the same three grievances. It needs both sides present and twenty minutes; it is a reframe, not a full mediation.
What does it produce?
A shared "same boat" card of losses neither side can blame on the other, and a kept-honest "still different" card for the real disagreements. No pre/post measure — the artifact is the joint problem, named concretely, in both sides' own words.
Can my AI agent use this folder?
Yes. Every folder ships a SKILL.md skill file: frontmatter for matching plus runnable prep commands — fetch the cards, pull the debrief. The three-step workflow (discover, install, run) lives on the skills page, every folder ships a one-command zip bundle, and the machine index is skills.json.
Is it really free?
Yes — CC BY 4.0, no account, no email wall inside a folder. Download it, run it, copy it, rebrand it for your own workshop. Attribution keeps everything free.
make it yours
This reframe is cards and two lists — no account, no projector. The card headings ("same boat" / "still different") are the one thing to rename into the vocabulary the two sides already use, then reprint at poker spec; the rules stay. The license file in the folder walks through the tiers.
Files in this folder
All files are free under CC BY 4.0. Attribution: “Same Boat · WorkshopSkill · CC BY 4.0.”