# Same Boat — Debrief

> You did not resolve the conflict. You put one thing in front of both sides that neither can blame on the other — and that is where resolution starts.
> Use with `same-boat-guide.md`. The bridge line at minute 18 is the compressed version; this sheet is the full one.

## How to run this debrief

- Keep the shared "same boat" card **visible between the two sides** while you talk — it is the object you are debriefing around, not a recap of the argument.
- Count the overlaps out loud. Three or more is a working boat; fewer means the costs were named too abstractly.
- End on one concrete shared loss each side will act on this week, with a name and a date against it.

## Read the shared card

1. **What actually overlaps.** Items on both lists are the joint problem, in both sides' own words. Count them; three or more is a working boat.
2. **What surprised each side.** The worry one group held silently that the other just said out loud — name it; that is the turn.
3. **What did not overlap.** Real disagreements survive here. Keep them on a separate "still different" list so nobody pretends they are gone.

## The four debrief questions

- Which shared loss did both sides put down almost in the same words — and why does that one matter?
- Where in the last month did the two of you describe the problem as each other, instead of as something in front of you?
- What is the one concrete object (a date, a sum, a launch) both of you would rather not lose, that you can name out loud?
- What changes if you take the shared cost first and argue about the "still different" list after?

## Failure modes of the debrief

| Failure mode | Why it happens | The rescue |
|---|---|---|
| It reads as forced agreement | A shared cost looks like capitulation | Reframe: same boat, different oars — naming a joint loss is not agreeing on everything. |
| It snaps back to blame | Old habits return mid-discussion | Put the physical card between the sides and read the shared items aloud again. |
| Real issues get papered over | The shared list absorbs everything | Keep the "still different" list visible; do not erase genuine disagreement. |