# The Listening Ladder — Facilitator Guide

> Folder: `the-listening-ladder` · Category: communication · pairs of 2 or trios of 3 · 15 min · offline · print props · assessment-type
> License: CC BY 4.0

Most "listening" exercises stop at paraphrasing the words. This ladder climbs two rungs higher — the feeling under the words, then what the speaker left unsaid — and the group only counts the climb when a third person, holding a two-faced card, says *landed*. The lesson is not that good listeners exist. It is that depth is a choice you make on purpose, and the last rung is the one almost nobody takes at work.

## Objectives

By the end of the activity, participants will have:

1. Heard their own listening stop at the first rung — the facts restated, the point missed.
2. Named a feeling out loud and **taken a correction for it**, on purpose, in a low-stakes round.
3. Asked one question about what was *not* said, then held the silence instead of filling it.

## When to use this activity

- A team hears each other's words but keeps missing the point, and is surprised by what comes back.
- You have fifteen minutes and pairs or trios — not a whole-room energy to burn.
- You want a measurable before/after for a communication session; this folder carries a pair-level pre/post measure.

## The three rungs

| Rung | The listener may… | The test |
|---|---|---|
| A — Literal | paraphrase the **words** only | "You said X, Y, Z." Does the speaker agree the facts landed? |
| B — Feeling | add the **feeling** under the words | "And what I heard under that was frustration." Right, or over-reach? |
| C — Unspoken | ask **what was left unsaid** | "What did you not say that I should know?" The speaker fills the gap. |

## Setup

**Clock:** fifteen minutes on the floor for the three rounds and the debrief. The pre- and post-measure add two minutes each, bookending the fifteen.

**Space:** three chairs per trio, angled so the pair can face each other and the validator can watch both. No table between the pair — cards stay in hand until the debrief, so the table never becomes a script.

**Materials per trio:**

| Item | Source |
|---|---|
| 1 × Speaker / Listener / Validator role card | `the-listening-ladder-prop-cards.pdf` (role cards) |
| 1 × Round A / B / C prompt card | `the-listening-ladder-prop-cards.pdf` (round cards) |
| 1 × validator face — *landed / not yet* | printed on the Validator card; there is no third face |
| 1 × participant workbook per person | `the-listening-ladder-workbook.pdf` (US Letter: `the-listening-ladder-workbook-Letter.pdf`) |
| 2 × answer sheet per person | `the-listening-ladder-paper-form.pdf` — one for the pre, one for the post |
| 1 × timer | your phone, or the deck's run-of-show timer on **T** |

**Grouping rule:** trios give the cleanest signal, because a dedicated validator keeps the pair honest. In a tight room, run pairs and let them self-validate by swapping roles each round — noisier results, more repetitions.

**Roles:** speaker (90 seconds on one real thing, then answers the round-C question), listener (answers only at the rung the round allows), validator (raises the card, says nothing until the round closes). Rotate so everyone speaks once across the three rounds.

## How to run it

| Time | Phase | Facilitator does | Participants do |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0–2 | Pre-measure | "Five statements, about your own last week at work — not about this exercise." | Answer alone on the answer sheet |
| 2–3 | Pair and assign | Form trios, hand out role and round cards, name the rotation out loud. | Take cards, split speaker / listener / validator |
| 3–6 | Round A — Literal | Start the timer. "Ninety seconds on the thing that slowed you down. Listener: words only." | Speaker talks; listener restates the facts; validator raises *landed* or *not yet* |
| 6–9 | Round B — Feeling | Same speaker, fresh ninety seconds. "Name what sits under it — then ask whether you got it right." | Listener names the feeling; speaker corrects or confirms; validator judges fit, not poetry |
| 9–12 | Round C — Unspoken | New speaker, new topic. "One question about what was not said. Then stop talking." | Listener asks; the pair sits in the gap; validator marks whether it was held |
| 12–15 | Debrief | Run the debrief sheet with the cards still in hand. | Compare where each round landed; choose one rung to practice |
| 15–17 | Post-measure | Same five statements, now about the climb just completed. | Answer alone; pairs compare their own movement |

Then run the debrief — see `the-listening-ladder-debrief.md`.

## Failure modes

1. **Round C turns into advice.** The listener hears the gap and immediately solves it. Rescue: repeat the rule before the round, not after — "one question, then quiet. The speaker fills it."
2. **The validator is polite.** "Close enough" hides the miss and the pair learns nothing. Rescue: hold up the card and read the two faces aloud — *landed*, *not yet*. "Not yet" is the useful one, and saying it early makes it safe.
3. **A feeling gets stated as a diagnosis.** Round B slides into telling the speaker what they really feel. Rescue: require the check — "have I got that right?" — and let the correction land without apology.
4. **The confident one narrates all three rounds.** Rescue: the rotation is not a courtesy, it is the design; three speakers is three data points, one speaker is one.

## Variations

- **Online:** trios in a breakout room, cameras on, cards held to the lens or shared on screen. Keep the ninety seconds and the silence — the constraint is the activity, not the room.
- **Large groups (20+):** run every trio at once off the same call-outs; put `the-listening-ladder-activity-poster.pdf` (A3) on the wall as the shared clock, then debrief in plenary with three or four pairs reporting where their validator said *not yet*.
- **Short version (10 min):** run rounds A and C only and drop the measures. You lose the feeling rung — say so in the debrief, because the rung people skip under time pressure is exactly the rung they skip at work.
- **Assessment-type:** run the pre-measure *before* trios form and the post-measure right after the debrief — see `the-listening-ladder-assessment.json`. The interesting number is not the score, it is the pair's move.

## Facilitation notes

- The silence after a round-C question is the whole exercise. Do not rescue it; count five seconds on your fingers if you must.
- Topics are real but low-stakes — "the thing that slowed you down this week" beats a loaded confession.
- The strongest transfer question: "Which rung do you already skip at work, and what does skipping it cost you?"

## Put it on the wall

Print `the-listening-ladder-activity-poster.pdf` (A3) to put the run of show, the three rungs and the watch-outs on one wall while you facilitate.

## Props in this folder

- `the-listening-ladder-prop-cards.pdf` — poker-spec print sheet (63.5 × 88.9 mm, bleed and cut guides): role cards, round cards, branded backs, blanks
- `the-listening-ladder-guide.md` — this run sheet
- `the-listening-ladder-debrief.md` — six debrief questions, failure modes of the debrief, scoring cues
- `the-listening-ladder-assessment.json` — pre/post measure preset: 5 items, one reverse-scored, pair-level
- `the-listening-ladder-paper-form.pdf` — the measure as a print-and-fill answer sheet
- `the-listening-ladder-workbook.pdf` — participant workbook: the idea in plain words, per-round notes, action page
- `the-listening-ladder-slide-deck.html` / `.pdf` — the deck for teaching or projecting, one idea per slide
- `the-listening-ladder-run-sheet.pdf` — the print edition: this run sheet + the debrief, bound as one A4 document with bookmarks
- `the-listening-ladder-activity-poster.pdf` — the whole activity on one A3 wall sheet: run of show, the three rungs, watch-outs
- `the-listening-ladder-start-here.md` — one page, thirty seconds, then print and go
- `SKILL.md` — machine-readable manifest for AI agents
- `*-Letter.pdf` — US Letter editions of the print documents

## Agent version

Every file in this folder has a stable public URL — an AI agent can fetch the props, the debrief and this run sheet with three curl commands (see `SKILL.md`). The paper version itself needs no screen at all: no projector, no accounts, just chairs and cards.